I have some experience on the friendzone as I have been on both sides. I'm not narrating them though as this post would be much longer than expected if I do. I'm here to talk about the feelings that go through being placed in the friend zone and placing someone in the friend zone. Spoiler alert. Neither feels good.
Being friend zoned usually happens to guys so it's guys who usually feel the "ouch" of friendzoning. My girlfriend and another girl in our group said they don't mind being friend zoned coz "at least you still have each other." The other guys in the group, however didn't like the idea so much. If they were friend zoned, they would just accept it but keep their distance from the girl. They can' just hang out like old friends anymore. What's worse when you remain friends, is when you see the girl you really like / love start a relationship with someone else and you're supposed to be okay with it since you're her "friend".
I thought about why guys are usually on the receiving end of the friend zone. The answer to this question came to me over the weekend where everyone was sharing their personal love story aches. We ended the night realizing two things.
1. Guys assume.
2. Girls overthink.
The assuming nature of guys explains how when a girl does something nice for us, we assume that that girl likes us. We might get jealous if she decides to do these sweet little things with other guys around us. Ask a guy about his weekend and he'll assume right away you're interested. Asking a guy to help you out with whatever little project you have is usually taken as, "I really like you," the idea being, "Why does she want me to do this and not any other guy?" I got a taste of this back when I first asked my girlfriend out. She had to bring a plus one to their team building outing and she asked me to go with her. Back then, I didn't know if she liked me back and this is cemented the idea that she liked me. On our way home, we bought McFlurry from McDonalds and seeing I couldn't feed myself since I was driving, she offered to feed me. In my mind, this made the idea of "This girl really likes me," a FACT and no longer just a speculation.
A year later I found out she only asked me to go with her because all of her other friends were busy or couldn't go for one reason or another. And the reason she fed me ice cream? She just felt sorry I couldn't feed myself since she was enjoying her ice cream a whole lot. According to her, that was in no way a way to make me know how she felt coz during that time, I was still not someone she liked... that way.
Compare that to when I first asked her out. I started sending her messages asking about her workout routine and all. She overthought this but she never assumed I liked her and only really knew for sure when I actually asked her out. Guys assume. Girls overthink.
It's because of this assuming nature of guys that we usually feel like a girl is into us so we give it a shot and turns out, she was just being friendly.
Tiz a dark a place, the Friend Zone. Once in a while, we'll hear of news of a guy who broke out of the zone but most likely the stories you'll hear are about being stuck in the friend zone. It's usually sad but like everything else, you have to get up and move on. The friend zone does have a way of making some guys more aggressive the second time around. It has the opposite effect, I've noticed, on girls. Girls build their walls really high once they've tried being in the zone.
Most of us have been there. The secret is to avoid a second or thir trip to the zone. Once is hopefully enough for most of us to know how to avoid the trap altogether. Maybe it's actually a good thing it exists. We learn a lot during our tenure in the friend zone - Do's and don'ts. Just remember to take those notes to heart.
I thought about why guys are usually on the receiving end of the friend zone. The answer to this question came to me over the weekend where everyone was sharing their personal love story aches. We ended the night realizing two things.
1. Guys assume.
2. Girls overthink.
The assuming nature of guys explains how when a girl does something nice for us, we assume that that girl likes us. We might get jealous if she decides to do these sweet little things with other guys around us. Ask a guy about his weekend and he'll assume right away you're interested. Asking a guy to help you out with whatever little project you have is usually taken as, "I really like you," the idea being, "Why does she want me to do this and not any other guy?" I got a taste of this back when I first asked my girlfriend out. She had to bring a plus one to their team building outing and she asked me to go with her. Back then, I didn't know if she liked me back and this is cemented the idea that she liked me. On our way home, we bought McFlurry from McDonalds and seeing I couldn't feed myself since I was driving, she offered to feed me. In my mind, this made the idea of "This girl really likes me," a FACT and no longer just a speculation.
A year later I found out she only asked me to go with her because all of her other friends were busy or couldn't go for one reason or another. And the reason she fed me ice cream? She just felt sorry I couldn't feed myself since she was enjoying her ice cream a whole lot. According to her, that was in no way a way to make me know how she felt coz during that time, I was still not someone she liked... that way.
Compare that to when I first asked her out. I started sending her messages asking about her workout routine and all. She overthought this but she never assumed I liked her and only really knew for sure when I actually asked her out. Guys assume. Girls overthink.
It's because of this assuming nature of guys that we usually feel like a girl is into us so we give it a shot and turns out, she was just being friendly.
Tiz a dark a place, the Friend Zone. Once in a while, we'll hear of news of a guy who broke out of the zone but most likely the stories you'll hear are about being stuck in the friend zone. It's usually sad but like everything else, you have to get up and move on. The friend zone does have a way of making some guys more aggressive the second time around. It has the opposite effect, I've noticed, on girls. Girls build their walls really high once they've tried being in the zone.
Most of us have been there. The secret is to avoid a second or thir trip to the zone. Once is hopefully enough for most of us to know how to avoid the trap altogether. Maybe it's actually a good thing it exists. We learn a lot during our tenure in the friend zone - Do's and don'ts. Just remember to take those notes to heart.
