Wedding Day Burn

This entire pandemic has affected everyone in the world. In a special way, it's affected me and Nikki as today would've been our wedding day. I haven't been writing much since the start of the lockdown but Nikki wrote this today and I just want to share it I like it so much as it encapsulates our feelings towards this whole thing very well. Anyway, just read on.

"I accidentally burned my right thumb last Wednesday. I was cooking banana turon and was trying to scrape out the burnt sugar in the wok. I don’t recall how it happened exactly but I remember piercing pain that I dropped the scraper into a bowl of clean sugar, turned on cold tap water and just left my thumb there for a while, trying to relieve the pain with the cool sensation.

Today was supposed to be my wedding day. No, my fiancé and I did not separate. Covid 19, a global pandemic, happened. It came like an invisible hurricane, turning things upside down and blowing away and apart everything that came in its way, including big day plans. At first, when the quarantine was announced, I feel like I took on the whole idea of having to move our wedding day in a sensible and logical manner.

It would be very easy for Covid to spread in a social gathering. We definitely did not want to be responsible for unintentionally spreading Covid among our family and friends, some of whom are seniors. The government as well, prohibited social functions during this quarantine time. Offices are closed so there would be no way for us to get our marriage license. It just wouldn’t work out so we’ll have to move it.

Then came the matter of telling our families, relatives and friends. I remember being sad and stressed out during this time. I did not want to be on the receiving end of pity and sadness from loved ones. I just didn’t want to have to deal with that. Also, I never thought I would be one of the girls who had to tell everyone that her wedding is postponed or cancelled. I’m someone who LOVES to plan, who wants to make sure everything goes smoothly. I was quite worried my hyperacidity would act up again.

My fiancé and I wrote a poem together to announce the moving of our wedding date. He posted it on our event invite on Facebook. We also informed our wedding entourage and other guests. Of course, everyone understood and I also felt the love from some people of how excited they were to attend our wedding. I was elated after we finally told everyone. I felt like we invited everyone to our wedding and then uninvited all of them. Now we were free to invite those we only really want to be there on the special day.

Part of the pain is also letting go of my dream wedding. Before I got engaged, I didn’t really have any specific plans. No details I’ve dreamt of since I was a little girl. My dream wedding vision came about in the course of Jon and I planning our wedding together. This was our dream wedding we were preparing for. What an exercise right? Come up with your dream wedding, plan it and prepare for it to happen. And just when it is so close, let it go. Give it up and then what?

So, I thought I was already fine with everything. It hurt that we had spent almost a year planning for our wedding. This took a lot of our time and effort and instead of it culminating in a wonderful, beautiful celebration, we had to erase everything and now it is all up in the air. All our plans and hard work disappeared into thin air. At first it felt like wasted time and effort, wasted resources. However, Jon and I really bonded over our wedding planning and I don’t regret at all the time we spent together, our brainstorming, and the things we learned about each other while we were preparing. It also hurt how much money, our hard-earned money, we put into our wedding and honeymoon and how they might not come into fruition.

This morning as I was washing my face, I noticed my burn again. It’s healing. It does not bother me anymore, unlike how it did the few days after the day it happened. I hardly even notice it anymore. That’s the way pain is right? In that moment it’s so sharp that it consumes us. We can’t seem to see beyond it. But we let it sit, acknowledge it and accept it and after some time, we can heal. We move on.

The Sunday before May 24, I was checking the events in my phone calendar to prepare for the week ahead. That was when it really hit me that it was supposed to be my wedding week! Then pain, accumulated pain, hit me so hard in the chest. I cried a lot that night, complained, released all my frustrations to Jon on the phone. There was only one sentence I really heard from Jon that night and he said, “There are better things to come, love.” God has better plans for both of us. That’s probably why we had to let go of our plans, to make way for His. Today is May 24 and after my emotional breakdown last Sunday, I’ve finally come to acceptance. I am able to stay strong and handle my emotions well, every single time someone reminds me that it’s supposed to be our wedding day. I’m also so touched by the messages I’ve received today from friends and relatives near and far, empathizing with me and wishing Jon and I well. How lucky am I, to have more than a handful of true friends?

Throughout this whole ordeal, except for a few times, I wasn’t really worried. I always felt that God is in charge and God is looking after me and Jon, just like he has in all our good times and hardships. I know that God is faithful and one day, we will have our wedding day and it will be so beautiful and so worth the wait. I also kept remembering this line, that God gives tough battles to tough soldiers so God knows that we can get through this. I am also reminded to keep things simple and to focus only on the essentials. And that always, there are better things to come."

I'm Going Lockdown Crazy

I'm losing my mind. I try to keep a routine so I don't but every day it gets harder and harder to do. When the lockdown started last March 29, I decided to sell the cheese and milk from our farm. I was also selling veggies to some of my friends. The lockdown meant I couldn't deliver anywhere in the city but that's when I discovered Lalamove. I discovered that I can have them do my deliveries for me.

Lately, however, Lalamove, Grab and many other couriers have a much harder time delivering goods to people. The local police have been on patrol and have been apprehending people for breaking the quarantine protocols. I know of some who do abuse this time to go around the city and make unnecessary trips. I, on the hand, have only left the house once to do groceries since the lock down started. And with every report of a quarantine violation or a new COVID case in an area that didn't have COVID before, operating a business (even an essential one) has gotten to almost impossible levels.

Shortly after the Community Quarantine was imposed in Cebu, our farm in Barili had applied for a delivery pass in the municipal hall, which we were able to get rater quickly. We only had one restriction - no transportation of meat. Now, our farm produces milk, vegetables and pigs but somehow this rule affects all three of our produce. Let me begin with the most obvious - the pigs.

How do you sell pigs if you're not allowed to transport meat? Well, as a business, we've never had to deliver pigs. We usually just have them picked up at the farm and that's how we get our sales. But then it dawned on me. We may not need a pass for meat to sell but our buyers need that pass for them to buy! As such, all our buyers have practically left us - not because we don't deliver but because they can't pick it up! Last week, a lady wanted to buy 20 pigs and couldn't since her truck couldn't pass the border.

I think these rules are absolutely crazy. We have delivery truck drivers making trips for pork and this lock down is making it more difficult to even buy and sell pork! I'm not talking about pork sinigang, or lechon, or crispy pata. I'm talking about the pig!

Let's move on to my next gripe - vegetables and milk (non-meat). Remember the pass we got. We could transport those goods into the city without a problem. True enough, our truck driver was able to deliver a lot of milk and cheese and vegetables when they make their weekly trips here. And they were able to do so with little to no hassle. Over the weekend, however, Gov. Garcia decided to revoke all the permits she'd granted originally as some people were apparently abusing them.

Our little farm in Barili was following the guidelines to a tee and somehow, we get penalized. So now, we need to apply for a new pass. We've been on constant communication with the municipality and apparently, the new guidelines have yet to be set. The most I've heard is that our employees may no longer be allowed to go out even to go to work. So our farm, if those kinds of rules were to be put in place, has no way of functioning at all! Our employees cannot go to work, and even if they could, our goods have no way of making it to the city! We'd closed our roadside store weeks ago as no one passes by and so selling in the city is the only way (THE ONLY WAY) our farm can ever make any money. And without the sales, we may not be able to keep our farm employees anymore.

This quarantine is supposed to help us prevent the COVID-19 disease. But if these rules are able to shut down our little farm, it may successfully shut down other farms as well and the Cebuanos may be dying from starvation before they die from a virus.

Let me get this straight. I'm not saying we shouldn't go on lock down or take every possible measure we can to prevent the spread of this virus. I just think we've crossed into unreasonable measures to prevent the spread of the virus.